An Introvert's Guide to Your Wedding Day

Photo courtesy of Megan Clouse Photography

If the title of this article caught your eye, you’re likely to be an introvert – or an extrovert who does not understand introverts! And when it comes to planning a wedding, introverts view the experience very differently than extroverts.

Let’s face it. People are different and that’s what makes us all interesting. Some people thrive on being a social butterfly in a large setting, while some of us enjoy being with just one or two close friends spending time together off the beaten path. The thought of going to a big party or celebration is exhausting for an introvert.

So, imagine planning a wedding if you don’t really relish the spotlight, social events, or large crowds.

If you feel overwhelmed with planning your wedding and wish you could simply run away and elope, you may be an introvert. And you’re not alone.

Here are some tips that can make the planning and the actual event a lot more fun for an introvert who prefers a small, intimate gathering.

1. Don’t hide the fact! Introverts often think there is something wrong with being shy or a little withdrawn. They don’t want to bring attention to themselves, so they try to hide the fact that they are introverts. But don’t hide it – embrace it!  Your partner asked you to marry him because he loves you for who you are. Be sure your future spouse knows how anxious you feel and ask him to share your feelings with his family. This will help you relax and not worry that he or his family thinks you are being ‘unsociable’ by foregoing some traditions or keeping your wedding small. There is nothing wrong with being an introvert and since this is your big day, plan it in such a way that will make you comfortable and enjoy it.
2. Consider a destination wedding. When you travel a distance for your wedding, you are less likely to have a large crowd in attendance. It can be calming and quiet to head off to an island destination. Typical destination weddings are planned and managed by  an event manager at a facility or resort. This can take a lot of the planning, pressure, and spotlight off of you – which allows you to enjoy the engagement and your wedding day.
3. Keep the reception shorter. Getting married is an exciting time, but be sure to understand and respect your own limits. Extroverts may plan a reception that goes into the early hours of the following morning – well past midnight. But for introverts, a shorter reception may be in order.  Spending 7-8 hours socializing with people is exhausting and stressful for introverts. There are no hard and fast rules that say receptions must go past a certain time. Ending the festivities early can result in a welcome evening alone with your new spouse with a picnic basket of goodies from the reception. Spend a couple of hours with your guests and say your goodbyes around 8pm. Then your guests are free to continue partying or head home. Or consider ending the reception early and meeting up with very close friends and family at a nearby location to continue the celebration in a more intimate setting.
4. Choose a day that works best. For introverts, Sunday may be the best option for a wedding. It’s often a quieter time with less partying. Couples can enjoy a casual reception in the early afternoon with no expectations of a party late into the evening. Or you could opt for a morning wedding followed by brunch to keep it low-key, yet fun and memorable.

5. Make your words count. Most introverts obsess over the vows and ceremony. Rather than a lengthy ceremony and long wedding vows, use fewer words and make them count.  Short vows can be extremely sweet and meaningful. Don’t worry about memorizing them – either have your officiate say them for you to repeat, or use notes. You will have special memories of vows when you record them in a special book that is used during the ceremony too.
6. Keep it casual. Weddings that are more casual rather than formal tend to be less intimidating for the couple and the guests. And remember that the wedding and reception are up to you – you can customize the day just like you want it to be so don’t assume there have to be speeches, formal toasts, a first dance, reception lines, garter/bouquet toss, or other formalities and traditions that cause you discomfort. You may even prefer an outdoor BBQ in lieu of a traditional reception. It’s totally up to you.
7. Don’t forget to prepare for the pre-wedding week. The week before the actual wedding can be stressful – especially for introverts. There are plenty of last minute decisions to make, people to contact, and things to do. Be sure and plan some quiet time in your week to allow a few momemts to decompress and remain calm.  Spend time alone, with your future spouse, or with a trusted friend or family member several times during the week rather than frantically running around and not taking the time to enjoy the festivities. (Good advice for introvert or extroverts!)
8. Enjoy your wedding day and the celebrations following the ceremony by preparing ahead of time. Create ‘escapes’ from the crowd by spending moments alone with your new spouse. This is a day to remember for a lifetime, so plan a wedding that fits your own personal style, personality, and desires.